Sometimes there just is no answer

for all our want to influence or control

all we know or think we know

they don’t make a lick of difference

all we do or try to do

they don’t make the rules

things are not in our paws

there’s only the big die roll in the sky

and so we grieve

or at least pre-grieve

waiting and wondering

keeping vigil

from near or afar

reflecting

self-recriminations at the ready

thousands of what ifs and if onlys

laid out in front of us for analysis

not helping, but not avoidable

distracting us from the outcome

distracting us from the game

of being with

the sadness

the memories

the unknown

letting it flow through us

letting it honour the one

the departed

or the not yet departed

the space of limbo

the uncomfortable space of limbo

the hellish space of limbo

getting ready

as if we could ever be truly ready

for that which comes

reprieve (for now) or finality

we don’t know when the die will be rolled

so we breathe

and wait