Three umpires were at the bar one night, discussing the art of umpiring.
The newly minted umpire spoke first. “It’s pretty clear. There’s a box, and if the ball is in the box it’s a strike; if the ball is out of the box it’s a ball. I call it like it is.”
“Ah yes,” replied the second, one who’d had a few seasons tucked under his mask. “It does seem like that so often. But then who knows, pitches can do crazy things and a bit of wind in your eye can mess you up even more. I’ve realized that the best I can ever do is to call it like I see it.”
After taking a pull on his drink, the revered veteran umpire smiled. “Friends. Balls an’ calls come an’ go. Like it is, like I see it, truth is… they ain’t nothin’ ‘till I call ‘em.”
— with inspiration from Bill Klem
(and nothin’ that ever happened to or around us aint’ ever anythin’ to us until ya/we call ‘em…)