A coach once pointed out something to me, something that I’d been so skillful and slick at that she hadn’t noticed it for several months. Which, of course, meant I was completely oblivious to it while it shaped (and perhaps even ran) my life and my art of living. And it was this: I had a lot of views and assertions and stakes and end states that were direct inverses to each other. Which meant essentially this: no matter what I did, I would, on some level, lose.
Absurd, but there it was, and with the light now shining on it I began to see it. And to cement that new awareness, I gave it a name: My Opposing Diapoles.*
They were everywhere, and they were certainly clever! Insidious, to be sure, but deliciously clever, crafted in such a way that whether I took action A or action B, or whether I achieved result X or result Y, or did nothing or did a lot… no matter what, in every direction, there was still some way my calculating self could let me know how wrong I was. Some way for me to end up on the losing/incapable/messed it up/grrrr end. Again.**
And just like when someone points out a particular colour of car, and you suddenly start to notice that colour of car everywhere, so too that I began to recognize all these traps I’d/my calculating self had laid out before me. It was fascinating and even hilarious just how screwed I was inside of those perspectives. It was guaranteed success… to fail in one way or another.
We certainly are funny creatures.
But armed with this new awareness, and by keeping myself present to it, I could begin to do the work to dismantle those barriers and all those landmines, clearing my way to take action towards not only successful results*** but also, and more importantly, satisfaction, fulfillment, and peace of mind. Freedom to be, and freedom to savour my victories.
* Yes, the correct word is “Dipole”, or, at least, the real word is dipole, for even “Opposing Dipoles” might not really make actual and logical sense. But giving it a fun name not only helped it be more memorable (and thus allow me to more readily keep it and thus myself present) it also brought levity and a good dose of keeping myself from taking myself too gosh darn seriously.
** All in service of keeping my context and my views of myself/my self-identity intact. Empowering it was not! But that’s not uncommon in the least…
*** Which I’d had before as well, just with this clearing there was room for even greater success.
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