Riffing a bit off last week’s post, albeit in a 180 degree way, since it is firmly within the opposite realms of explanation and excuses… but what’s up with those situations, often at work or were there is a sort of hierarchy/seniority context, where someone asks you for a reason why you did something or why you did something a particular way, and when you explain it they get mad at you for “making excuses”?
I mean, that’s weird, right? Because they don’t even address the reason or the reasoning behind it, and rather it gets all accusatory. Well, what gives is that the question is a ruse. What they want as a response is to capitulate to being an idiot for not doing it exactly as they want it, exactly as their narrow view of it says it must be done. The real question is “I wanted it done this way, why didn’t you do it this way?”
So any answer other than accepting blame (whether you feel there should be blame or not) is taken as a dodge, and thus an afront to them.
And all of it is some petty power play BS.
It’s a bully tactic. They don’t say what they mean up front to set a trap. Nor do they have any kind of understanding or teaching or etc as an intention. They don’t want the answer. They want you to be wrong and admit to it and, even better, grovel about it.
Which, while it speaks volumes about who they are being, is a poopy thing to have to deal with. But with this distinguished and with mindfulness we get to keep ourselves grounded, avoid furthering any blame game, and can choose our response to create our own path forward.